Haven't Been Myself...
Here's a picture of a flower because I didn't know what photo to take which would go with this post...enjoy.
I haven't planned this post at all, so I'm basically writing down what's coming into my head at this moment in time. Basically, I haven't been myself recently. I have no idea what it is but I just don't feel like myself. I feel like shit, I feel like nothing I ever do is right and that I have to put other peoples happiness before my own in order to avoid unnecessary hassle and shit in my life. It fucking sucks. I feel like no matter what I do I'll never be enough for some people and for those who do see me as good enough, I always end up fucking it up, so why try? So many people have entered and exited my life recently and the majority of those people are people who I thought would never enter/exit like they have.
It's always easier to be unhappy than it is to be happy....but why?
I've literally lost motivation to do the majority of things. I wake up and literally lie on my sofa all day watching YouTube and trashy TV shows that I don't even want to watch but I feel like there's nothing else to do so hey-ho. If you've been reading my posts for a while, you'll know I was literally so excited for the summer/end of school so I could really up my blogging game. Like I was honestly so excited, I can't even express how excited I was. But now I have 3 months of free time, and I just don't want to do anything, and it annoys me because I know what I want to do but I just can't bring myself to do it. Is this making sense to anyone? Probably not, but fuck it.
I haven't written this post looking for sympathy, hahaha hell no. I've written this post because it's my little space on the internet where I document things I'm proud of and things that have been going on in my life. My blog along with every other persons social media portrays their life as perfect, because noone really cares or wants to see when you have a bad hair day or whether or not you've just gone through a breakup, or whatever. But I don't want my blog to come across like everyone elses in the sense that just speak about different shades of lipstick or cute outfits for the summer. I'm an 18 year old girl who likes vodka a little too much, likes to go out and get drunk with my friends and goes through shit like any other teenager. So if that's actually what my life is like, why should I not post it on the internet?
Merh, I'm probably just PMSing.